I’m always alone. Always always always alone. I’ve never wanted to end my life this much. Everything is so out of control and I can’t find that feeling I had months ago of peace with myself and where I am in life. I literally have no one. I just sit by myself I my room all of the time. I hate this life. I hate the fact that I have nobody. What’s the point of living? I’d rather be dead. I already feel like so I might as well just do it.
The next 3 month are going to be about school, finding a new job, and my best friend’s wedding. Aside from wanting my best friend happy, all of the other things are things I have to do. I feel so flat lately. I have zero emotions and could careless about life. So far nothing has gone right this year for me. Nothing. I’ve been trying to stay healthy and I get sick and my body is all types of fucked up. I try to achieve things in school and while this last semester is easy, I’m already dreading and stressing about my summer class. My no ex friends said some hurtful things to me (‘friends’ who gave me the time of day only when we’re hanging out in the whole group). That part I could careless about but they are just bitches. I literally do nothing with my life. So much to the point where I just sleep to pass the time. And when friend are around to hang out with, it’s when I actually do have other things to do. I feel sick to my stomach all of the time. I can’t remember the last time I woke feeling like a million bucks. I’m just going through the motions and sick of it. I rather just sleep forever than feel like this.